Acts of Service

Biblically, there are five ways God expresses his love for us. And these are the five ways that we are to express love to our spouse (and others). In this post we'll unpackage God's fourth expression of love.

4. Acts of Service 

John 13:1-4, "It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end…so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him." Through the humble act of washing dirty feet, Jesus showed his love for his disciples, and then instructed them to follow his example.

If we want a happy and healthy marriage we too should follow this example of serving.

At our house Kristin does the laundry, but she absolutely hates it. Now I hate doing laundry too, but I love my wife so I did a couple loads for her while she was out having coffee with her sister. This is an example of a practical act of service.

Andrew, our executive pastor here at New Day, isn’t just a good pastor, he’s also a good husband. And since it’s hard for Kristi to go to the grocery store with four kids, Andrew often takes care of the grocery shopping for her. It’s a practical way he shows his love for Kristi.

Though I grew up in a traditional home where my dad made the proverbial bacon and my mom cooked it, my dad isn't above helping around the house. At Thanksgiving or when we all come over his house to eat, he always does the dishes so that my mom doesn’t have to. It’s a simple, but meaningful way to express love through an act of service.

These are all examples of acts of service. They require thought, planning, time, effort and energy. And if done with a positive attitude, they count as meaningful expressions of love! Jesus wasn’t above showing us love by serving us, so who are we to be above showing love to our spouse by serving them? Why not think of a practical act of service you could do for your spouse today? 

Gift Giving

Biblically, there are five ways God expresses his love for us. And these are the five ways that we are to express love to our spouse (and others). In this post we'll unpackage God's third expression of love.

3. Gift Giving

Romans 6:23 says "For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

From these verses we see another way that God expresses his love for us - through gift giving. While gift giving should never replace the gift of time, there is a place for gift giving, because it’s one of the ways that God shows his love for us.

Gift giving means a lot to my wife. In light of this, months before her birthday or Christmas I begin making a list of things I overhear Kristin saying that she wants. The gift means more to her when she hasn’t directly asked for it. She likes it when I pay attention to her and make notes on my own and then surprise her with things she’s mentioned but may not have explicitly asked for. So that’s what I do. And since gifts means so much to her, I set a big budget for her birthday and Christmas presents. Gifts don't mean that much to me (and my favorite gift is actually 100% free) so I can assign most of the money in the budget for gifts to her.

Now why do gifts mean so much? Have you ever thought about that? Well, it's because a gift is a symbol that your spouse was thinking of you. You can’t get someone a gift without thinking about them. And your spouse will probably appreciate the fact that you were thinking about them just as much as (if not more than) the actual gift.

And here’s the good news. You don’t need to spend a ton of money! Even a one dollar gift can speak a million dollars worth of love. With that said, if you have a million dollars you might not want to buy a one dollar gift.

True love gives! The Bible says that God so loved the world that he gave... (John 3:16). There’s just no way around it. At the heart of love is the spirit of giving. So from time to time be sure to express your love for your spouse through the giving of gifts.

Quality Time

Biblically, there are five ways God expresses his love for us. And these are the five ways that we are to express love to our spouse (and others). In this post we'll unpackage God's second expression of love.

2. Quality Time

Genesis 3:8-9 reveals that God took time daily to walk and talk with Adam and Eve. God showed his love to Adam and Eve by daily spending time with them. In the same way, we can communicate love to our spouse by sharing quality time with them.

You see, the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. I John 3:18 says, "Our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action." That is, love is not just something you feel, or just something you say, it’s something you do. In other words, you spell love T-I-M-E.

The greatest gift you can give someone is your time because time is your most precious resource. Your life is made up of seconds, minutes and hours. And when you give someone your time you are giving them a piece of your life. You can get money back, but not your time. That’s why the gift of love expressed through time is the most valuable, precious gift you could ever give.

We all have different energy levels, different amounts of wealth, different amounts of talents and different personalities, but we all have the exact same amount of time. All of us get 168 hours a week. And what we give our time to speaks volumes about what’s truly important to us. If we want to communicate to our spouse that he/she is important to us, we've got to carve out some time in our schedule for them (and not the left overs).

Giving someone your time says “You matter to me.” Giving someone your time says “You are valuable to me.” Giving someone your time says “You are worth listening to.” You’re saying all kinds of things when you give (or withhold) the gift of time.

In Luke 10:38-42 we read the story of Mary and Martha. Jesus has come for a visit. Martha is running around doing all kinds of stuff FOR Jesus, while Mary is content to just be WITH Jesus. Martha gets upset and tells Jesus to tell Mary to help her. But Jesus replies “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! But there is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

From this story we learn this principle: What we do with Jesus is more important than what we do for Jesus. Well, the same is true of our spouse! What we do with them is more important than what we do for them.

The essence of loving relationships is not what we give to each other (i.e. presents/gifts/stuff). The essence of loving relationships is how much we give of ourselves to that person. Our lives. Our time! Gifts are no replacement for time.

Guys - listen up - Some of you are so busy working for your family, that you have no time to spend with your family. But this is no way to live. Your wife and kids don’t need more stuff. They need you! They need you to express your love to them through quality (and quantity) of time. Pastor and author Chuck Swindoll once wrote “Busyness fills the calendar but frustrates the family”, so don’t get caught up in the busyness trap. Take the time to show your love by giving your spouse (and family) quality time.

Be deliberate this week to think about ways to spend some time with your spouse. Remember the things that you used to do while you were dating, the things that brought you together in the first place. Whether it’s taking a walk, going for a hike, going skiing, playing a game or going out to dinner. And be sure to put down your phones and give each other your undivided attention. That just may be the thing your marriage needs to get some of its spark back. 

Words of Affirmation

Biblically, there are five ways God expresses his love for us. And these are the five ways that we are to express love to our spouse (and others). In this post we'll unpackage God's first expression of love.

1. Words of Affirmation

In Matthew 3:16-17 we read: As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

In this passage God expresses his love for Jesus through words of affirmation. He says: Hey everyone! Listen up! Jesus is my Son and I love him! He makes me so happy!

One of our family’s favorite Christmas movies is Will Ferrel’s 2003 movie called ELF. In the movie, when Buddy the Elf falls in love with his new co-worker, Jovie, he bursts into his dad’s board room spinning and shouting to everyone in the room “I’m in love! I’m in love! And I don’t care who knows it!”

Well that’s what God is doing for Jesus in Matthew 3. God’s love for Jesus wells up in his heart until it overflows from his lips in the form of kinds words. In a declaration of love he proudly tells the world: “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

Solomon was a pro at using words of affirmation in marriage. Here's some of the kind words he spoke to his young bride recorded in Song of Solomon...

• You are beautiful my darling. 
• You have captured my heart. 
• Your love delights me. 
• Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the young women. 

Following Solomon's lead, something I like to tell my wife is “Honey, you make that dress look good.” I don’t compliment the dress because a dress can’t give me a thank you kiss. But my wife can, so I tell her that she makes the dress look good, not the other way around. Following Solomon's lead my wife tell me "Mike, you're such a hard worker." And I love it when she says stuff like that! 

Proverbs 12:25 says “Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.” When is the last time you shared a kind word with your spouse? 

First Corinthians 13:4 says “…love is kind”. Therefore, to communicate love verbally we have to speak kind words. From God’s example we learn that kind words are one meaningful way to express love to our spouse (and others). So if this isn’t something you’re already practicing, why not start today? 

If you don’t know where to begin, why not begin where God began with Jesus? Guys, just start telling your sweetheart “You’re my wife. I love you! You make me so happy!” Ladies, just start telling your husband “You’re my husband. I love you! I’m so glad I married you!”