It isn't realistic to eliminate conflict from our lives. Instead, the goal ought to be to minimize and manage it. Since it's always better to resolve the conflict than dissolve the relationship I'll be giving six practical steps you can take to resolve conflict. In this post I'll share step six.
6. Fix the problem, not the blame
Determining who’s to blame is not the goal of conflict resolution. It’s almost always both peoples fault, so stop working so hard to figure out who is guilty. YOU are! And THEY are! Once you get that figured out you can free up some energy and time to work on the problem.
Have you ever been in an argument (with your spouse or whoever) and tried to blame the whole thing on them? I have. I’ve done it a ton! And guess what? It’s never worked! Not even one time! In every single situation, in the end, I’ve ended up admitting that I had a part in the conflict. Why? Well, cause it’s true!
A conflict is never further from ending when one person is trying to blame another person entirely. So don’t do that. Now here’s something you may not have thought of…Blaming is a form of judging. When you blame someone else you’re putting yourself in the position of judge - which is God’s job. This is why the Bible says in Romans 14:13, “…let us stop passing judgment on one another.” In relationships, it’s bad to pass gas and to pass judgment. It’s God’s job to judge, so we need to stop assigning blame. It doesn’t bring us closer to resolution, it actually moves us further away.
Determining who’s to blame is not the goal of conflict resolution. It’s almost always both peoples fault, so stop working so hard to figure out who is guilty. YOU are! And THEY are! Once you get that figured out you can free up some energy and time to work on the problem.
Have you ever been in an argument (with your spouse or whoever) and tried to blame the whole thing on them? I have. I’ve done it a ton! And guess what? It’s never worked! Not even one time! In every single situation, in the end, I’ve ended up admitting that I had a part in the conflict. Why? Well, cause it’s true!
A conflict is never further from ending when one person is trying to blame another person entirely. So don’t do that. Now here’s something you may not have thought of…Blaming is a form of judging. When you blame someone else you’re putting yourself in the position of judge - which is God’s job. This is why the Bible says in Romans 14:13, “…let us stop passing judgment on one another.” In relationships, it’s bad to pass gas and to pass judgment. It’s God’s job to judge, so we need to stop assigning blame. It doesn’t bring us closer to resolution, it actually moves us further away.
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