It isn't realistic to eliminate conflict from our lives. Instead, the goal ought to be to minimize and manage it. Since it's always better to resolve the conflict than dissolve the relationship I'll be giving six practical steps you can take to resolve conflict. In this post I'll share step five.
5. Tell the truth tactfully
Proverbs 12:18 says “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” That is, foolish words hurt and wise words heal. Ephesians 4:15 says “…speak the truth in love…” You are never persuasive when you’re abrasive. Ephesians 4:29 says “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful…” When you say the right thing the wrong way, the right thing you said becomes wrong - and that's not helpful.
I have many mentors (leadership mentors, preaching mentors, marriage mentors, how to be a good father mentor, etc.) and 99% of them are great. But there’s this one that always feels he has to share what he has to share with me harshly. And it’s not that what he’s saying isn’t true - he’s right on, which is why I keep calling - but he doesn’t know how to share the truth tactfully. While I keep calling, he’s the mentor I call the least. I just don’t like the way he talks to me. He’s too harsh.
When we share our frustrations, we should do so tactfully…gently. Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt…” In other words, your speech should be as pleasant to listen to as good seasoned food is to taste. When we violate this verse we come across as attacking the other person and not the problem. This never helps and always hurts so don’t use the tactics of a political ad. In a political ad, they always attack the person, not the policy. This may or may not work in politics, but it certainly doesn’t work in relationships. Attacking someone will never resolve a conflict. So tell the truth tactfully. God says this is step #5 in resolving conflict.
5. Tell the truth tactfully
Proverbs 12:18 says “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” That is, foolish words hurt and wise words heal. Ephesians 4:15 says “…speak the truth in love…” You are never persuasive when you’re abrasive. Ephesians 4:29 says “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful…” When you say the right thing the wrong way, the right thing you said becomes wrong - and that's not helpful.
I have many mentors (leadership mentors, preaching mentors, marriage mentors, how to be a good father mentor, etc.) and 99% of them are great. But there’s this one that always feels he has to share what he has to share with me harshly. And it’s not that what he’s saying isn’t true - he’s right on, which is why I keep calling - but he doesn’t know how to share the truth tactfully. While I keep calling, he’s the mentor I call the least. I just don’t like the way he talks to me. He’s too harsh.
When we share our frustrations, we should do so tactfully…gently. Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt…” In other words, your speech should be as pleasant to listen to as good seasoned food is to taste. When we violate this verse we come across as attacking the other person and not the problem. This never helps and always hurts so don’t use the tactics of a political ad. In a political ad, they always attack the person, not the policy. This may or may not work in politics, but it certainly doesn’t work in relationships. Attacking someone will never resolve a conflict. So tell the truth tactfully. God says this is step #5 in resolving conflict.
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