Dealing with Anger: Part 4

What do we do when people make us angry? Do we attack back? Do we seek to get even? Do we allow them to walk all over us believing this is our Christian duty? What does the Bible say about dealing with the people in our lives who make us crazy...and angry? Well, the Bible gives us four things we can do to keep our cool with our crazymakers.

1. Calculate the Cost.
2. Look past their hurt to their pain.
3. Think before reacting.
4. Pray Psalm 141:3 before crazymaker encounters. 

In this post we'll look at the fourth of the four things: Pray Psalm 141:3 before crazymaker encounters.

Some crazymakers we're able to avoid. But others are neighbors, co-workers or family members that we're going to interact with on a regular basis. When we have such an encounter, we'll do well to pray Psalm 141:3 ahead of time. In Psalm 141:3 the psalmist prays, “Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.”

As a teenager I went to Buckingham palace. And you’ve probably seen the guards that stand by the gates to make sure no one comes in that’s not supposed to. Well, in Psalm 141:3 the psalmist kind of reverses that picture and says - God, be like a guard that prevents anything bad from coming out of the gate of my mouth. In other words - the psalmist is praying that God would prevent him from saying something stupid that would only escalate the conflict or drama and worsen the relationship. What a beautiful word picture! And what a great prayer to pray before a crazymaker encounter.

People are going to irritate us, just like tourists irritate the guards at Buckingham palace. But when we pray Psalm 141:3 we can become like the guards, who don't lose their cool with every little annoyance. So I would encourage you to memorize Psalm 141:3 and to pray it as often as needed. Doing so will better help you keep your cool with your crazymakers. 

Dealing with Anger: Part 3

What do we do when people make us angry? Do we attack back? Do we seek to get even? Do we allow them to walk all over us believing this is our Christian duty? What does the Bible say about dealing with the people in our lives who make us crazy...and angry? Well, the Bible gives us four things we can do to keep our cool with our crazymakers.

1. Calculate the Cost.
2. Look past their hurt to their pain.
3. Think before reacting. 
4. Pray Psalm 141:3 before crazymaker encounters.

In this post we'll look at the third of the four things: Think before reacting.

When one of your crazymaker's starts pushing your buttons and you begin to feel irritated or angry - think before reacting. Proverbs 13:16 says, “Wise people think before they act; fools don’t…” In other words, put your mind in gear before you put your mouth in gear. Don’t respond impulsively.

Let me tell you about a time I did not think before reacting. One time in college this girl was irritating me. She kept saying stuff that was bothering me and would then kind of shake her butt at me. Without giving it a second thought I yelled across the yard “Keep shaking that thing - maybe it will shrink!” She immediately burst into tears and I felt horrible. In that situation I was a fool for giving vent to my anger. The Bible says wise people think before they act.

You know what I've learned? I've never put my foot in my mouth when it was closed. We would all be wise to live by James 1:19 which says “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James says the longer you hold your temper the better it gets.

Proverbs 29:11 says, “Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.” The Hebrew here literally means “he cools it”. That is, he cools his red hot anger. So when you tell someone “chill out” you’re basically just quoting Proverbs 29:11. And that's exactly what we need to do when we're angry. 

So don’t immediately text back! Don’t immediately respond to that email! Don’t immediately make a post to social media (even a vague one)! Sleep on it. Or as the Bible puts it, let your anger cool.

Dealing with Anger: Part 2

What do we do when people make us angry? Do we attack back? Do we seek to get even? Do we allow them to walk all over us believing this is our Christian duty? What does the Bible say about dealing with the people in our lives who make us crazy...and angry? Well, the Bible gives us four things we can do to keep our cool with our crazymakers.

1. Calculate the Cost.
2. Look past their hurt to their pain. 
3. Think before reacting.
4. Pray Psalm 141:3 before crazymaker encounters.

In this post we'll look at the second of the four things: Look past their hurt to their pain.

When our crazymakers hurt us, it’s so tempting to respond in kind, but God calls us to take the moral high road - to look past their words to their pain. Proverbs 19:11 says it this way, “A wise man restrains his anger and overlooks insults. This is to his credit.” (LB) Now, when you overlook something, you look past it to what’s behind it. So when a crazymaker says or does something hurtful, you look past the unkind word or deed to the real issue. Doing so will help you respond without losing your cool.

For example, I remember when my daughter Ally was in kindergarten, there was this girl in her class that was nasty to everyone, including Ally. As we got to know the family we learned that this little girl’s dad was never around. We explained to Ally that when someone is acting nasty, it’s usually because they are hurting - and that she might be acting nasty because she’s hurt that she never gets to see her daddy. So we told Ally two things:

1. Don’t ever allow her to treat you nasty. Just because she's hurting doesn’t give her the right to treat you like trash. So tell her she’s being nasty and that you don’t appreciate it and that it needs to stop.
2. Don’t be mean back. Instead, have compassion. This girl is hurting because she misses her daddy. The last thing she needs is for someone to inflict more hurt and pain into her life by being nasty back. Jesus said “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” He didn’t say “Retaliate!”

It is not our Christian duty to let nasty, mean-spirited people walk all over us. We can and should stand up for ourselves when people and being hurtful. But it is our Christian duty to respond in a God-honoring way. We will be mad when people hurt us, but there's a way to be angry without sinning. As Ephesians 4:26 says, "In your anger, do not sin." How do we do this you ask? We look past their words to their pain. That is, we keep in mind that hurt people hurt people. And in light of this we choose to act compassionately. We will stand up for ourselves when people are being hurtful, but we will not be hurtful back. 

Dealing with Anger: Part 1

What do we do when people make us angry? Do we attack back? Do we seek to get even? Do we allow them to walk all over us believing this is our Christian duty? What does the Bible say about dealing with the people in our lives who make us crazy...and angry? Well, the Bible gives us four things we can do to keep our cool with our crazymakers.

1. Calculate the Cost.  
2. Look past their words to their pain.
3. Think before reacting.
4. Pray Psalm 141:3 before crazymaker encounters.

 In this post we'll look at the first of the four things: Calculate the Cost.

Before you respond with unrighteous anger, calculate what you’re going to lose. You see, you’re less likely to get angry when somebody’s pushing your buttons if you realize there’s always a price tag for unrighteous anger. What's the price tag of unrighteous anger, you ask? Well, the Bible says that when I get anger in an unrighteous way...

1. I’m going to stir up conflict. Proverbs 29:22a says, "An angry person stirs up conflict..." 
2. I’m going to sin. Proverbs 29:22b, "...a hot-tempered person commits many sins." 
3. I’m going to make mistakes. Proverbs 14:29, A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes. 
4. I’m going to do something foolish that later I will regret. Proverbs 14:17, A quick-tempered person does foolish things…

For example, back in 1978 there was a famous college football coach named Woody Hayes. He coached Ohio State for 28 seasons, winning five national championships and 13 Big Ten Conference titles. But despite his great achievements, his coaching career ended abruptly when he was fired after punching an opposing player that caught an interception during the 1978 Gator Bowl. The video is on youtube. Ohio’s quarterback throws the ball. The other team intercepts. Ohio tackles the guy who caught the interception. The coach runs over to the guy who caught the interception, helps him up, and then punches him in the throat. It was crazy. And then he was fired.

The Bible says I always lose when I lose my temper.  So the next time one of your crazymakers starts pushing your buttons, just ask yourself...

1. Is it worth it to risk losing respect? 
2. Is it worth it to risk losing the love of my family? 
3. Is it worth it to risk losing my job? 
4. Is it worth it to risk making matters worse? 

If we keep in mind that our unrighteous anger always has a high price tag, we will be much more likely to respond in a God-honoring way when our crazymakers make us angry.