Dealing with Anger: Part 2

What do we do when people make us angry? Do we attack back? Do we seek to get even? Do we allow them to walk all over us believing this is our Christian duty? What does the Bible say about dealing with the people in our lives who make us crazy...and angry? Well, the Bible gives us four things we can do to keep our cool with our crazymakers.

1. Calculate the Cost.
2. Look past their hurt to their pain. 
3. Think before reacting.
4. Pray Psalm 141:3 before crazymaker encounters.

In this post we'll look at the second of the four things: Look past their hurt to their pain.

When our crazymakers hurt us, it’s so tempting to respond in kind, but God calls us to take the moral high road - to look past their words to their pain. Proverbs 19:11 says it this way, “A wise man restrains his anger and overlooks insults. This is to his credit.” (LB) Now, when you overlook something, you look past it to what’s behind it. So when a crazymaker says or does something hurtful, you look past the unkind word or deed to the real issue. Doing so will help you respond without losing your cool.

For example, I remember when my daughter Ally was in kindergarten, there was this girl in her class that was nasty to everyone, including Ally. As we got to know the family we learned that this little girl’s dad was never around. We explained to Ally that when someone is acting nasty, it’s usually because they are hurting - and that she might be acting nasty because she’s hurt that she never gets to see her daddy. So we told Ally two things:

1. Don’t ever allow her to treat you nasty. Just because she's hurting doesn’t give her the right to treat you like trash. So tell her she’s being nasty and that you don’t appreciate it and that it needs to stop.
2. Don’t be mean back. Instead, have compassion. This girl is hurting because she misses her daddy. The last thing she needs is for someone to inflict more hurt and pain into her life by being nasty back. Jesus said “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” He didn’t say “Retaliate!”

It is not our Christian duty to let nasty, mean-spirited people walk all over us. We can and should stand up for ourselves when people and being hurtful. But it is our Christian duty to respond in a God-honoring way. We will be mad when people hurt us, but there's a way to be angry without sinning. As Ephesians 4:26 says, "In your anger, do not sin." How do we do this you ask? We look past their words to their pain. That is, we keep in mind that hurt people hurt people. And in light of this we choose to act compassionately. We will stand up for ourselves when people are being hurtful, but we will not be hurtful back. 

Dealing with Anger: Part 1

What do we do when people make us angry? Do we attack back? Do we seek to get even? Do we allow them to walk all over us believing this is our Christian duty? What does the Bible say about dealing with the people in our lives who make us crazy...and angry? Well, the Bible gives us four things we can do to keep our cool with our crazymakers.

1. Calculate the Cost.  
2. Look past their words to their pain.
3. Think before reacting.
4. Pray Psalm 141:3 before crazymaker encounters.

 In this post we'll look at the first of the four things: Calculate the Cost.

Before you respond with unrighteous anger, calculate what you’re going to lose. You see, you’re less likely to get angry when somebody’s pushing your buttons if you realize there’s always a price tag for unrighteous anger. What's the price tag of unrighteous anger, you ask? Well, the Bible says that when I get anger in an unrighteous way...

1. I’m going to stir up conflict. Proverbs 29:22a says, "An angry person stirs up conflict..." 
2. I’m going to sin. Proverbs 29:22b, "...a hot-tempered person commits many sins." 
3. I’m going to make mistakes. Proverbs 14:29, A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes. 
4. I’m going to do something foolish that later I will regret. Proverbs 14:17, A quick-tempered person does foolish things…

For example, back in 1978 there was a famous college football coach named Woody Hayes. He coached Ohio State for 28 seasons, winning five national championships and 13 Big Ten Conference titles. But despite his great achievements, his coaching career ended abruptly when he was fired after punching an opposing player that caught an interception during the 1978 Gator Bowl. The video is on youtube. Ohio’s quarterback throws the ball. The other team intercepts. Ohio tackles the guy who caught the interception. The coach runs over to the guy who caught the interception, helps him up, and then punches him in the throat. It was crazy. And then he was fired.

The Bible says I always lose when I lose my temper.  So the next time one of your crazymakers starts pushing your buttons, just ask yourself...

1. Is it worth it to risk losing respect? 
2. Is it worth it to risk losing the love of my family? 
3. Is it worth it to risk losing my job? 
4. Is it worth it to risk making matters worse? 

If we keep in mind that our unrighteous anger always has a high price tag, we will be much more likely to respond in a God-honoring way when our crazymakers make us angry. 

What Humility Looks Like: Part 4

In James 3:13-18 James lays out the two ways in which we can approach relationships: 1) the way of humility or 2) the way of selfishness. He says that selfishness is the cause of relational dysfunction and that humility is God's cure. He then goes on to describe for us what humility looks like so we can practice it in our every day lives and relationships.

First, James says that humility is pure and peace loving (v17).
Second, James says that humility is considerate (v17).
Third, James says that humility is submissive (v17).

Fourth, James says that humility is full of mercy and good fruit (v17).

When James says “mercy and good fruit” he’s talking about having the kind of compassion on someone who’s in need that leads you to help them out. When we are selfish we don’t have time to help people in need. But when humility characterizes our lives we show a concern for others and a willingness to help them out when needed.

Two winters ago we had a really bad snow storm. Here’s a picture of what my driveway looked like after the storm...

Not only was this before I owned a snowblower, but I happened to be very sick the day it snowed. Well to help me out, two of my neighbors came with their snowblowers and cleared my whole driveway. What would’ve taken me the whole day took them less than 30 minutes. They had the kind of compassion that led them to help and the Bible calls this being full of mercy and good fruit.

Now do you think their mercy hurt or helped our relationship? It helped! Anytime you show compassion and help someone in need it strengthens the relationship. If there’s any relationship you have that needs to improve - just help them with something. God says it will make a difference. 

God says that relationships work best when each person helps the other out when they are in need.

• When your neighbor goes on vacation and wants you to feed their cats, are you available or busy? 
• When your family is remodeling a room in their house, do you offer a helping hand or wait to visit them until the project is complete? 
• When your friend or co-worker is moving, do you conveniently make plans that weekend so you won’t have to help? 

God hasn’t called us to selfish living, rather selfless living. And we can practice biblical humility when we put someone else’s needs before our own by helping them when in need. When God saw us in need - separated from him because of our sin - he stepped in to help. He sent Jesus to die on a cross to take the punishment we deserved for our sins. Because he did we can have peace in our relationship with God. And when we follow in God's footsteps we can have peace in our relationship with others. 

What Humility Looks Like: Part 3

In James 3:13-18 James lays out the two ways in which we can approach relationships: 1) the way of humility or 2) the way of selfishness. He says that selfishness is the cause of relational dysfunction and that humility is God's cure. He then goes on to describe for us what humility looks like so we can practice it in our every day lives and relationships.

First, James says that humility is pure and peace loving (v17).
Second, James says that humility is considerate (v17).

Third, James says that humility is submissive (v17). 

Submissive here means "readiness to yield." When you're selfish you always have to have your own way. But when humility characterizes our relationships we’re willing to yield to what others want from time to time instead of always demanding our own way.

I like action and adventure movies. If stuff aint blowing up, why even make the movie? But my wife Kristin likes musicals. And last December when Carrie Underwood did a modern day rendition of "The Sound of Music" she asked me to watch it with her. I immediately made a post to our church Facebook page that read "Quick! Someone call me with a church "emergency." My wife is trying to make me watch a musical!!!" When no one rescued me I finally surrendered and watched a musical. I made fun of it here and there just so I could still call myself a man, but for the most part I was a good sport. Why? Because God says relationships work best when we don't have to have our own way all the time. 

Take Jesus for example. In the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus said "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done" (Luke 22:42). Jesus would've rather provided salvation for mankind apart from suffering, but didn't demand his own way. He demonstrated a readiness to yield. Because he did we can have peace in our relationship with God. And when we follow in Jesus' footsteps by not demanding our own way all the time, we can have peace in our relationship with others. 

What Humility Looks Like: Part 2

In James 3:13-18 James lays out the two ways in which we can approach relationships: 1) the way of humility or 2) the way of selfishness. He says that selfishness is the cause of relational dysfunction and that humility is God's cure. He then goes on to describe for us what humility looks like so we can practice it in our every day lives and relationships.

First, James says that humility is pure and peace loving (v17). 

Second, James says that humility is considerate (v17). 

Considerate here means you are mindful of how your actions or inaction affects others. When you're selfish you don't really care how what you do might inconvenience or upset someone else. But when humility characterizes your life, you put others before yourself in that you think through how your behavior affects others. 

My wife recently asked me to stop leaving empty popcorn bags under the microwave. You see, I have this bad habit of empty the bag into the bowl and then just leaving the bag on the counter for the empty popcorn bag fairy to come clean up. Kristin informed me there is no such thing as the empty popcorn bag fairy, and that it's her who has to clean up my bag when I leave it on the counter. This is the opposite of considerate. 

Did you know that God is considerate? For example, when He saw us separated from him because of our sin, He was mindful (or considerate) that his inaction would affect us deeply. So he sent Jesus to die in our place for our sins so that we wouldn't have to. Image if we were all like God, thinking of how our actions or inactions would affect others - wouldn't we all have better relationships? I think we would! 

If you use the last of the bath tissue in the restroom don't leave the roll behind for someone else to replace. That's inconsiderate. If you're married, don't make plans independently. You and your spouse are one. When you fail to take your spouse into account when making decisions, that's inconsiderate. Look behind you when you walk through a door. Letting the door slam into the person behind you that weren't mindful of is inconsiderate. God says relationships work best when we're considerate of others. 

What Humility Looks Like: Part 1

In James 3:13-18 James lays out the two ways in which we can approach relationships: 1) the way of humility or 2) the way of selfishness. He says that selfishness is the cause of relational dysfunction and that humility is God's cure. He then goes on to describe for us what humility looks like so we can practice it in our every day lives and relationships.

First, James says that humility is pure and peace loving (v17). 

Pure here refers to our motives for being in a relationship. When we're selfish we're only in the relationship for what we can get, not for what we can give. But when humility characterizes our relationships we put others before ourselves by focusing on what we can give vs what we can get. 

I remember making friends with a kid in high school just because he had dirt bikes. It's sad to say but I used him. He and his family no doubt picked up on this fact which is probably why one day when we were out riding and the police popped up over the horizon I was left behind! I barely escaped being arrested that day. Serves me right for being so selfish!

But what about you? Guys, do you ever enter into a relationship for what you can get out of it physically? Ladies, do you ever enter into a relationship for what you can get out of it materially? Do you make friends with your neighbor who has a pool every summer and then forget about them for the rest of the year? Are there any people in your life who you only contact when you need something but never in between? These are different ways in which we approach relationships selfishly - for what we can get out of them and not for what we can give to them.

God says when we approach relationships selfishly we'll always have relational dysfunction. God says relationships work best when we focus on what we can give and not what we can get. This is God approaches his relationship with us. John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world that he gave..." That is, God's not in it for what he can get, he's in it for what he can give. And if we want healthy relationships we'll do well to follow his example.