Resolving Conflict: Step 5

It isn't realistic to eliminate conflict from our lives. Instead, the goal ought to be to minimize and manage it. Since it's always better to resolve the conflict than dissolve the relationship I'll be giving six practical steps you can take to resolve conflict. In this post I'll share step five.

5. Tell the truth tactfully 

Proverbs 12:18 says “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” That is, foolish words hurt and wise words heal. Ephesians 4:15 says “…speak the truth in love…” You are never persuasive when you’re abrasive. Ephesians 4:29 says “Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful…” When you say the right thing the wrong way, the right thing you said becomes wrong - and that's not helpful.

I have many mentors (leadership mentors, preaching mentors, marriage mentors, how to be a good father mentor, etc.) and 99% of them are great. But there’s this one that always feels he has to share what he has to share with me harshly. And it’s not that what he’s saying isn’t true - he’s right on, which is why I keep calling - but he doesn’t know how to share the truth tactfully. While I keep calling, he’s the mentor I call the least. I just don’t like the way he talks to me. He’s too harsh.

When we share our frustrations, we should do so tactfully…gently. Colossians 4:6 says, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt…” In other words, your speech should be as pleasant to listen to as good seasoned food is to taste. When we violate this verse we come across as attacking the other person and not the problem. This never helps and always hurts so don’t use the tactics of a political ad. In a political ad, they always attack the person, not the policy. This may or may not work in politics, but it certainly doesn’t work in relationships. Attacking someone will never resolve a conflict. So tell the truth tactfully. God says this is step #5 in resolving conflict. 

7 Things Parents Need to Teach Their Kids - Part 1

There are seven things good parents will prioritize teaching their children. These seven truths come from The Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6 and are the spiritual foundation for successful children.

1. God loves me and wants to be my best friend.

Matthew 6:9a, “Our Father in heaven...” NKJV

The first thing you need to teach your kids is that they have a Father in heaven who loves them unconditionally and desires to have a relationship with them. If your kids don’t know this, they’ll suffer from low self-esteem. Self-esteem is basically our inner sense of self worth. When you have a strong sense of self-worth you have healthy self-esteem. When you have a weak sense of self-worth you have unhealthy self-esteem.

• Some kids base their self-worth on what they think of themselves based on how they measure up to others. But this is no good because they’ll feel bad about themselves every time they encounter someone they don’t feel they measure up to. 
• Some kids base their self-worth on what others think of them. They feel great when they’re praised and feel awful when they are criticized. 

But good parents teach their kids: It doesn’t matter what you think of you. It doesn’t matter what others think of you. What really matters is what God thinks of you.

• Good parents teach their kids: God bought you at a high price to show you how valuable you are to him! As 1 Corinthians 6:20 says “...for God bought you with a high price...” 
• Good parents teach their kids: You are worth more than any amount of money to God. As 1 Peter 1:18-19 says “For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver. He paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God.” That means you’re worth more than millions and millions of dollars of silver and gold! 
• Good parents teach their children: You are the pinnacle of God’s creation! As Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are God’s masterpiece...” 

When your child realizes that God loves them so much that he sent his Son Jesus to die in their place for their sins so that he could have a relationship with them, and that he values them more than any amount of money and views them as his greatest accomplishment, they’ll develop a healthy sense of self-worth (and have a healthy self-esteem). Tell your kids over and over and over how their Heavenly Father loves them until they start thinking, “Wow! I’m worth Jesus, because that’s what God was willing to pay to have a relationship with me! I must be pretty awesome!” When they say that, you’ve done your job. Until they say that, you’ve got some work to do!

The first thing you need to teach your kids is: God loves me SO MUCH and wants to be my best friend.

Start Playing Offensively

If we're going to ensure the Christian life doesn't become something boring to endure, rather an adventure to be lived, we've got to start playing offensively. 

You can live the Christian life one of two ways. You can focus mainly on defensively avoiding that which is evil, or you focus mainly on offensively doing that which is good. 

It’s ironic that so many people play the Christian life defensively (not trying to be good, rather just trying not to be bad), because it’s actually quite risky to play defensively, as the Boston Bruins illustrated in the 2013 Stanley Cup. The Bruins were ahead 2 to 1 in game six, with about two minutes left on the clock. Trying to hold onto their lead they started playing defensively. Long story short, in those last two minutes they let up two goals. No game seven. Bruins lose. Chicago wins the Cup. Moral of the story? Playing it safe can be risky!!! 

Certainly there are times in the Christian life to play defensively, but the Bible teaches that our main focus ought to be not so much avoiding that which is wrong, but actively and passionately pursuing that which is good. Take a look at Ephesians 6:11 which says “Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.” NIV Included in the armor of God is the belt of truth, the breastplate of righteousness (v.14), shoes of peace and shield of faith (vv.15-16), helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit (v.17). Quick question: Is there any armor included in this list that covers your back? Answer: No! Why? Because we’re not supposed to defensively retreat! God intended for us to go on the offense!

Humans vs Animals

In Dream Works Bee Movie, boyfriend Ken is trying to kill Barry the bee (see picture). When girlfriend Vanessa objects, Ken replies "You know I’m allergic to them. This thing could kill me." Vanessa replies "Why does his life have any less value than yours?"

Q: What's the message? A: That animal life and human life have equal value.

Friends, this simply isn't true. In the creation account in Genesis one, God said the light was good. God said the land and sea were good. God said the vegetation was good. God said the sun, moon and stars were good. God said the creatures of the sea and the birds of the sky were good. God said the land creatures were good. But once God added mankind to his creation he said it was very good (v31). The Bible teaches that humans, not animals, are the pinnacle of God's creation - his masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10).

That's why Jesus plainly stated that humans have greater value than animals. Jesus said in Matthew 6:26, "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" I love it! We're not just a little more valuable than animals, we're much more valuable!

You see, there's a hierarchy to God's creation. From top to bottom it goes God, the angels, humans, then animals. We know this because Hebrews 2:7-8 says, "You [God] made them [humans] a little lower than the angels; you crowned them with glory and honor and put everything under their feet.” "Everything" here refers to the rest of God's creation (i.e. the animals). We know this from Genesis 1:28 where God told Adam and Eve, "Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground." From this verse we learn that God gave humans stewardship over the earth and everything in it (including animals) and told us to rule over it.

Anyone who knows me personally knows how much I love animals! I love watching them, catching them, owning them, and taking pictures of them. But I'm not confused over whether a kangaroo has more value than a kid. I'm not confused over whether a manatee has more value than a man. I'm not confused over whether a woodpecker has more value than a woman.