User Friendly Marriage Assessment

The Bible speaks of a number of different kinds of seasons. 

1. The Bible speaks of agricultural seasons

• Genesis 31:10, breeding season 
• Exodus 34:21, plowing season 
• Numbers 13:20, grape season 
• Mark 11:13, fig season 
• Proverbs 20:4, harvest season 

2. The Bible speaks of different kinds of weather seasons 

• Ezra 10:13, rainy season 
• Job 6:17, dry season
• Psalm 148:8, seasons for lightning and hail, snow and clouds, stormy winds, and the like 

3. The Bible speaks of calendar-based seasons 

• Psalm 104:19, He made the moon to mark the seasons 
• That’s spring, summer, autumn and winter - the calendar-based seasons 

4. The Bible says there’s a season for everything

• Ecclesiastes 3:1, For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. 
• Now, “everything” includes marriage. 
• So the Bible teaches there are seasons of marriage.  

And I love how Christian author Dr. Gary Chapman (a New York Times Bestselling author) describes these seasons in his book The 4 Seasons of Marriage. Let me explain each of these to you briefly…

1. Spring 

Couples in the spring season of marriage feel exited, happy and hopeful regarding their future. This is not as good as summer, but spring is the prelude to summer, so this is a good place to be. The attitudes of couples in spring are characterized by optimism, gratitude, love and trust. In this season the couple nurtures the relationship by investing in it, planting seeds from which they hope to reap a harvest of happiness. So in this season the couple is reading books on marriage, attending seminars on marriage, etc. They know that investing in the relationship now will pay off in big ways later. Galatians 6:9 is a favorite Bible verse for those in spring. It says , “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” 

2. Summer

Couples in the summer season of marriage feel happy, satisfied and connected. This is the ideal season of marriage to live in. No couple ever lives here permanently, but the goal of each marriage is to live here as much as possible. The attitudes of couples in summer are characterized by trust. In this season the couple has a growing sense of togetherness. They resolve conflicts and enjoy a great deal of satisfaction from how far they’ve come as a couple. Couples in the summer season have come to learn the benefits of being married and are enjoying those benefits to the max. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 describes these benefits stating, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

3. Fall

Couples in the fall season of marriage feel fear and apprehension about the future because they know something isn’t right in the relationship. Their attitudes are characterized by concern and uncertainty about the future of the relationship. In this season the couple is drifting apart and disengaging. They sense that something is happening, but they’re not sure what. In this season the couple disengages emotionally and each partner begins to feel a sense of detachment. Couples get in the fall season by neglecting the marriage. And as Ecclesiastes 10:18 says, “Laziness leads to a sagging roof; idleness leads to a leaky house.” In other words, if you neglect your house, in time, it will begin to fall apart. The same is true of your marriage. You can’t neglect it and expect it to thrive. You have to work at it - like those in the spring season are doing.

4. Winter

Couples in the winter season of marriage feel hurt, angry, disappointed, lonely, and rejected. This is of course is the worst season to be in. The attitudes of couples in the winter season are characterized by negativity, discouragement, frustration and hopelessness. In this season the relationship is detached and cold. There is no sense of togetherness. This is not where you want to be! This is not where God wants you to be! In Genesis 2:18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Marriage was God’s solution to loneliness, so when you’re marriage yet lonely, with no sense of togetherness - you’re missing what God intended marriage to be!

What season of marriage do you find yourself in today? What are one or two practical steps you could take to point your marriage in the direction of the season you want to be in? 

Save for the Future

In Proverbs and Ecclesiastes Solomon lays out God's Four Foundations of Financial Freedom. The second one is found in Proverbs 21:20, "The wise man saves for the future, but the foolish man spends whatever he gets." 

Solomon, the wisest and wealthiest man of his time, says here: You want to be in debt? Make it a habit to live paycheck to paycheck. When money comes in just spend all of it, not saving anything - and you’ll be in debt in no time at all. Why is this the case? Why does NOT saving lead to debt? Because if we don’t save when things are good, we’ll never be ready for when things go bad. We all know that the car is going to need a repair, the AC unit is going to break, and the baby bill is going to be $1,000 or more.

When times are good we need to be saving for the things we know we’re going to need in the future. If we don’t, we’ll end up in debt because when the AC unit breaks, we won’t have the money to replace it, so we’ll have to put it on the credit card or take a loan out from the bank. And that’s a problem because then you’ll pay crazy amounts of interest, which means you’ll pay more for the item than it’s worth, which will only exacerbate your debt dilemma.

So Solomon says: Don’t be foolish! Save for the future. In another verse, Proverbs 6:6-8 Solomon says, “Take a lesson from the ants, you lazybones. Learn from their ways and become wise! Though they have no prince or governor or ruler to make them work, they labor hard all summer, gathering food for the winter.” What would happen if the ant didn’t prepare for the winter he knew was coming? He or she would be in trouble, right? That would spell disaster for the ant, right? Well, in the same way, if we don’t prepare financially for expenses we know are coming, we’re going to be in trouble. To not save is to invite financial disaster. It’s how you will most certainly end up in debt. Solomon’s saying: Even an ant with such a tiny brain realizes the need to save - how much more so should we!!!

Why don't we save? Well, we have a heart issue. Our culture calls it “keeping up with the Joneses”. The Bible calls it “envy”. We look around on Facebook and Instagram and see what other people have and we think, “I want that!” so we go after it and try to get it too. We spend every bit of what we could be saving to keep up with our friends and neighbors and co-workers. This is what some call “The Envy Monster”. The envy monster stalks everywhere, never satisfied, always craving more of what other people have. In malls, neighborhoods, schools and offices people compare themselves with others and invariably fall short. But can I tell you the truth about the people you’re envying? They are in more debt than you! The “Joneses” are on the verge of declaring bankruptcy! We’ve got to stop envying others if we’re ever going to start saving.

Listen to me - the more you have the more it costs. Envying others and then trying to get what they have will always lead you closer to debt (or deeper into debt) because the more you have the more it costs. The more you have the more it costs in insurance. The more it costs to maintain it. The more it costs of your time to use it and care for it. So stop envying “the Joneses”. If anything, you should pity them, for God says they’re fools for not saving.

Did you know God measures how wise we are in part by how much we save? The verse we read earlier said “The wise man saves for the future.” So in God’s eyes, how wise are we? The statistics show that we need to grow and make some drastic changes in this area. I read this week that…

• The average family in Japan saves about 20% of their income. 
• The average family in Europe saves about 18% of their income. 
• In America the average family saves nothing. 

In fact, 55% are living paycheck to paycheck. One third don’t even have a savings account. And the average American household is now spending 136% of their household income. That is, for every dollar they make, the average American spends $1.36. This is why the average balance on peoples credit cards is almost $15,000 (and rising).

We’ve got to make the decision today to be wise by God’s standards. Culture says “Spend it. You deserve it!” God says “Save it! If you can’t afford it don’t buy it!” Who are you going to listen to? Culture or God? If you’ve been doing it culture’s way and you’re in a financial mess, maybe today is the day to start doing your finances God’s way. Just a thought.

Plan Your Spending

In Proverbs & Ecclesiastes Solomon lays out God's Four Foundations of Financial Freedom. The first one is found in Proverbs 21:5, which says "Good planning and hard work lead to prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty."

Solomon, one of the wisest and wealthiest men to ever have lived, says here that financial planning = prosperity. Not planning = poverty. If Solomon lived today he might say: Financial planning helps you to stay in the black. If you don’t plan you will surely find yourself in the red.

What Solomon called planning, we (today) call budgeting. I know some of you think budget is a curse word - I assure you it’s not. A budget by definition is planned spending. And the purpose of a budget is to tell your money where to go so you don’t have to wonder where it went. Some say “money talks”. No it doesn’t! It just walks away quietly. But a budget will prevent this from happening.

Now from the Bible we learn three areas we need to budget for.

1. We need to budget our giving: When we get paid we need to budget the first 10% for God. The Bible calls this the tithe and we’ll talk about it more later in the message. 
2. We need to budget our savings: After you pay God, you need to pay yourself. How much? Experts in the field recommend 10%. So you give God 10%, then you save 10%. 
3. We need to budget our spending: After you pay God and pay yourself, you use the rest wisely - being a good steward of however much God has entrusted you with. 

Solomon says: If you plan (or budget) your money this way, it will lead to prosperity, not poverty.

If you don’t have a budget, you’re either already in debt or are headed there. Here’s why: Our yearnings will always exceed our earnings. And without a budget we’ll say “yes” too often, which in time leads to debt. The value of a budget is that it informs us when to say “yes” and when to say “no”. For example…

• When considering how much to spend when purchasing a home you ask yourself: After budgeting 10% for God and 10% for savings, can I afford this home? Your budget will tell you “yes” or “no”. 
• Or when considering how much to spend when purchasing a car you ask yourself: After budgeting 10% for God and 10% for savings, can I afford this car? Your budget will tell you “yes” or “no”.
• You might want the latest and greatest iPhone 5s for $400, but your budget might inform you that you need to get the iPhone 5c, which only costs $50 at Target right now. 
• You might see something at the mall that you want and be tempted to make an impulse purchase - but budgeting will help curb impulse purchases. Impulse buying is based on emotion, not what you have in the bank. A budget protects us from this. When your emotions say “I want it and have to have it right now!” your budget can calmly state “No. You can’t afford it. Don’t buy it.” 

Now even though we all ought to be using a budget, most of us don’t because we don’t like anyone or anything telling us “no”. We live in a culture that says “You deserve it - even if you can’t afford it.” And it’s because of this unbiblical mentality that as individuals and a nation we are steeped in debt. But each of us has to decide: Will we live by what culture says or by what God says? God tells us, through Solomon, that good planning (budgeting) leads to prosperity, while failing to budget leads to debt.

Be Strong

1 Corinthians 16:13-14 says, "Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Act like men. Be strong. And do everything with love." In this post we'll focus on the fourth command.

4. Be strong

Paul told the Corinthians to grow up (act like men) and now he tells them to get strong. Paul here isn’t referring to growing strong physically, rather growing strong spiritually. Paul is saying: Become strong in your spirit so that you can resist the urges of your sinful nature. Throughout his letter Paul mentions that the Corinthians are still controlled by their sinful nature (3:3), that they lack self-control (7:5) and that they need to stop sinning (15:34). Paul says the answer to these problems is to grow strong in spirit. 

In the book of Galatians we read of the battle between our flesh (that part of us that desires to indulge sin) and our spirit (that part of us that desires to please God). Galatians 5:17 says “The sinful nature wants to do evil, which is just the opposite of what the Spirit wants. And the Spirit gives us desires that are the opposite of what the sinful nature desires. These two forces are constantly fighting each other...”  

Well how do we become strong spiritually so that when we're tempted our spirit overpowers our flesh and not the other way around? Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 9:25, “Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.” Paul is saying here that athletes become strong by going into strict training. And this is the same way that we become strong spiritually - by going into strict spiritual training. 

I would encourage each and every one of you to write out on paper (or on your computer or phone) your spiritual training plan. And I would encourage you to include in your training plan these three things: 

1. Bible reading 

2. Prayer 

Let me explain this real quick. As you spend time with Jesus through Bible reading and prayer, you become strong spiritually. Isaiah 40:30-31 says, “Even the youths shall faint and be weary, And the young men shall utterly fall, But those who wait on the Lord Shall renew their strength...” You see, we become strong spiritually as we spend time with the Lord. Psalm 27:14 says “Wait on the Lord...And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord!” As we read our Bibles and pray we become strong in spirit.

3. Fasting 

Why fasting? Because if you can say no to food, you can say no to temptation. This is why Jesus instructed us to fast. Denying your flesh food prepares you to deny your flesh sin. The same resisting muscles you use to say no to lunch or dinner (or whatever it is you are fasting) are the same muscles you’ll use to say no to temptation. 

Develop a plan that works for you in order to become strong in spirit, so you can resist temptation.