1 Corinthians 7: The Gift of Singleness?

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7:7, "I wish that all men were as I am [single]. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that.." 

The Bible is clear - being single isn't a curse, rather a gift that God gives to some people. Now there are two kinds of single people: 1) Those single against their will and 2) those single by choice. 

If you're single against your will (that is - you want to be married), are you stewarding your singleness well? Does God look down from heaven and see that you are seeking first his kingdom and his righteousness (Matthew 6:33)? Have you been faithful with your singleness so that he can entrust to you a marriage relationship (Luke 16:10)? 

If you're single by choice, are you using your singleness to advance the kingdom of heaven or to selfishly indulge your discretionary time and income? Jesus said in Matthew 19:12 that "...some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven..." Is that why you have chosen not to marry? Or do you just want to have lots of free time to indulge every interest and hobby that catches your attention? 

Single people, whether by choice or against their will, are God's secret weapons! They are not second class citizens in God's kingdom! (i.e. A married person will likely only be able to attend one service and serve in another, while the single person can attend one service and serve in two) Simply put, there are some things singles can do for God's kingdom, that married people can't. This is what Paul is getting at in vv.32-35 when he writes...

An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

So, if you're single, like Jesus, realize the potential you have to impact God's kingdom. Walk in your calling or in this temporary season to do things for God that you won't be able to do when/if you're married. 

Marriage: God's Antidote for Sexual Temptation

There are a number of biblical reasons for a person to get married (i.e. procreation, partnership, etc.). In 1 Corinthians 7 the apostle Paul teaches that purity is a godly motivation for marriage. This is the clear teaching of 1 Corinthians 7:2 which says, "...because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband." NLT 

Satan's strategy is to get us involved sexually prior to marriage and to keep us apart sexually once we're married. His goal is that prior to marriage we commit the sin of fornication (sex before marriage) and that once married we commit the sin of adultery (sex outside marriage). The Bible's advice for the single person not wanting to commit fornication is to get married. 1 Corinthians 7:9 says, "But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust." NLT And the Bible's advice for the married person not wanting to commit adultery is to keep the sex regular. 1 Corinthians 7:5 says "Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control." 

Indeed, marriage is a dam against the flood of sexual temptation in this world. 

1 Corinthians 7: Is it ok NOT to marry?

God says in Genesis 2:18 "...it is not good for the man to be alone." Yet Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:1, “...It is good for a man not to marry.” Is Paul contradicting God? Is God pro-marriage and Paul anti-marriage?

To properly understand the advice given in 1 Corinthians 7 we must understand it in light of what v.26 calls "the present crisis" (for more on that click here). In light of the present crisis, Paul says "...It is good for a man not to marry" (v.1). But in v.2 Paul lays out the general rule to be followed. Under normal circumstances he says "...each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband." 

So according to Paul, the norm is to be married (unless you have the gift of singleness), but under special circumstances (i.e. crisis) it might be best to wait to be married.

1 Corinthians 7: Is it ok to marry?

In light of the present crisis (1 Corinthians 7:26) some at the church at Corinth weren’t sure if it was ok or not to be married. So in Paul lays out the general rule. Look with me at the following verses...

• v.2, “...each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.” 
• v.28, “...if you do marry, you have not sinned...” 
• v.36, “If anyone...feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married.”

Paul says in essence: Of course it’s ok to marry. Marriage is the norm. However, the Corinthians weren’t living under normal circumstances, rather in the midst of severe persecution (v.26). So although marriage is the norm, Paul goes on to say in vv.26-28...

Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. NIV 

In light of the present crisis (v.26) Paul says it might be wise to choose not to marry at this time. It’s not sinful if you go ahead and get married, but you might be asking for trouble. It's important to understand that the only reason Paul is discouraging marriage is to spare them the hardship and suffering that accompanies times of trouble and persecution - not because he’s down on marriage. This is made clear by what he writes in vv.36-38

If anyone thinks he is acting improperly toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if she is getting along in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does even better. NIV

Paul’s saying: If the bride’s biological clock is ticking and she wants to chance it and get married, even in spite of the present crisis, it’s not wrong to do so - it’s just risky to do so. Let me illustrate it like this: Would it be wrong for a Jew to get married during the Holocaust? No! It wouldn't be wrong, but it would be risky. Would it be wrong for someone in Darfur to get married back in 2003 in the midst of mass genocide? No. It wouldn't be wrong, but it would be risky. In light of the present crisis it might be best to wait. This is Paul's point.

Would it be wrong for a college couple to go ahead and get married prior to finishing college? No, but it will be harder than if they wait. It's not wrong if they get married during college, but there may be wisdom in waiting until graduation.

Is it wrong for a man to get married to a woman? Absolutely not, but he might want to wait to get married until he has a job and can provide for his wife and future children (1 Timothy 5:8). I remember asking Kristin's dad for his blessing so I could ask Kristin to marry me. I told him that I loved his daughter and had secured a job. He gave me his blessing.

If you want to get married, that's a wonderful thing! As you seek divine guidance, the same God who provided the perfect person will reveal to you his perfect timing as well.

The Key to Understanding 1 Corinthians 7

Key #1: Everything written in 1 Corinthians 7 must be understood in light of what v.26 calls "the present crisis." 
This is a reference to a time of persecution under Caesar Nero. Caesar Nero was a cruel and bloody man who did not hesitate to kill members of his own family, so you can imagine how he treated Christians. I remember learning in Bible college during our church history classes how Caesar Nero would torture Christians.

• Nero enjoyed dipping the Christians in wax, and impaling them on poles around his palace. He would then light them on fire, and yell: "Now you truly are the light of the world." 
• Nero wouldn’t just kill Christians, he wanted to make them suffer first. 
• In the arena he would wrap Christians up in animal skins and throw them to lions, or dogs who would then tear these men and women apart in front of thousands of entertained spectators. 
• At other times he would crucify them, and after the crowd would get bored, he would set the Christians on fire. 

All this persecution was right around the corner when Paul wrote to the Corinthians in AD 55 and told them “Maybe right now isn’t the best time to marry.”

In 2003 there was a mass genocide in Darfur that claimed some 400,000 lives and displaced over 2,500,000 people. The Arab militias would attack the families that lived in the villages of Darfur. When they found a family they would kill the father, rape the mother, sell the daughters into prostitution and the sons into slavery. If Paul was writing to a church in Darfur in 2003 he would probably give the same advice he gave to the Christians suffering persecution in AD 55 - Maybe right now isn’t the best time to marry.

Key #2: Although Paul is single in 1 Corinthians 7, he was married. 
We know this because in order to be a part of the Sanhedrin, you had to be married, and Paul was a member of the Sanhedrin. We don’t really know what happened to his wife, but many believe that when Paul embraced Christianity, his wife left him. So not only did Paul speak under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit (v.25, v.40) but also as someone who once was married, and therefore someone who personally understood the challenges of marriage about which he wrote.

Key #3: Paul is not giving his opinion when he writes.
When Paul says “not I, but the Lord” (v.10) it just means that in this instance he is quoting Jesus - in this instance he has a direct command from Jesus on the subject at hand. When Paul says “I, not the Lord” (v.12) it just means he’s not quoting Jesus directly. But whether quoting Jesus or not, Paul is writing by “the Spirit of God” (v.25, v.40). What Paul writes when not quoting Jesus is equally inspired of God as what he writes when quoting Jesus. One would make a grave mistake to say “This is just Paul’s opinion. I’m only going to listen to the stuff he says when quoting Jesus.”

If you read 1 Corinthians 7 with this background information you'll get so much more out of the text.

Those Who Will Not Be in Heaven

1 Corinthians 6:9-11, Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality, 10 or are thieves, or greedy people, or drunkards, or are abusive, or cheat people—none of these will inherit the Kingdom of God. 

Paul gives a grave admonition here - a grave warning to those in the church who claimed to be Christians yet lived in unrepentant sin. He tells them plainly: You will not inherit the Kingdom of God. In other words: Don’t be deceived. You aren’t going to heaven. You are going to hell. As Revelation 21:8 says “But cowards, unbelievers, the corrupt, murderers, the immoral, those who practice witchcraft, idol worshipers, and all liars—their fate is in the fiery lake of burning sulfur.” Paul is saying: If you live in unrepentant sin, you are among those Jesus referred to in Matthew 7:21 when he said “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” 

If there’s anything you are doing that the Bible says is wrong - you better be doing everything you can to get that sin out of your life. Put up safeguards, get accountability, etc. Take extreme measures if necessary like Jesus taught in Matthew 5:30 when he said “if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.” But whatever you do - don’t be ok with it. Don’t think you can be right with God while habitually practicing unrepentant sin.

• If you’re sleeping together with someone you’re not married to or looking at porn and you’re justifying it instead of repenting of it...
• If you’re committing adultery and you’re justifying it instead of repenting of it...
• If you’re practicing homosexuality and you’re justifying it instead of repenting of it...
• If you’re stealing and you’re justifying it instead of repenting of it...
• If you’re getting drunk each weekend and you’re justifying it instead of repenting of it...
• If you’re cheating people and you’re justifying it instead of repenting of it...

If you’re doing anything you know the Bible says is wrong and you’re justifying it instead of repenting of it - the Bible says you will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Your sinful lifestyle is threatening your future in heaven and you need to repent - that is: turn away from - your sin.

How to Preserve Purity in the Church

1 Corinthians 5:11, “...you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a believer yet indulges in sexual sin, or is greedy, or worships idols, or is abusive, or is a drunkard, or cheats people. Don’t even eat with such people. NLT 
Paul says the way you can help preserve purity in the church is by not associating with anyone who claims to be a Christian but is living in open, unrepentant sin. Don’t even have lunch with them! Don’t meet them for coffee. Don’t have a playdate with them. Make a commitment to disassociate yourself from anyone who claims to be a believer yet lives in open, unrepentant sin. And if they ask why you keep saying “no” every time they ask to get together...TELL THEM! Say “I love you and care about you, but if this is the path you’ve chosen to walk down, you’re going to have to walk it alone.” 

To continue hanging out is NOT to show the love of God, RATHER to encourage their sin. Continuing to hang out with them is to hurt them, not help them. If a child doesn't experience any negative consequences for misbehaving, that child will likely never change. In the same way, if a child of God doesn't experience any negative consequences for sinning, that person will likely never change either. 

The Danger of Ignoring Sin in the Church

1 Corinthians 5:6, “...Don’t you realize that this sin is like a little yeast that spreads through the whole batch of dough? NLT
Paul is saying that unchallenged sin will spread throughout the church, in the same way that yeast spreads throughout a batch of dough. As a rock that is thrown into a pond creates a ripple that affects the whole pond, so sin affects the whole church. As food coloring slowly but surely works its way through the whole glass of water, so sin works its way through the whole church.

Think of it this way. If an employer turns a blind eye to an employee arriving late for work, soon all the other workers will be coming in late too. But if a worker arrives late and is verbally reprimanded the first time, his pay in docked the second time, and he is fired the third time - that employer will help create a work culture where punctuality is valued. In the same way - confronting sin will help create a church culture where purity is valued. As it relates to the church...

• If someone contemplating adultery sees someone in the church committing adultery (without anyone objecting) he/she will be encouraged to do the same. 
• If a couple contemplating living together prior to marriage sees someone else in the church doing that very thing (without anyone objecting) that couple will be encouraged to do the same.

Confronting sin has a cleansing effect on the church, while condoning sin has a contaminating effect on the church.

The Nature of Church Discipline

The Bible is clear. If someone refuses to repent of sin, even though Matthew 18:15-17 has been followed, we are to remove them from our fellowship (click here to learn more). But it's important to understand that the nature of church discipline is redemptive. That is, we’re not to kick people out of church just to kick them out and have nothing to do with them anymore. Paul says the person is kicked out “...so that his sinful nature will be destroyed and he himself will be saved...” That is, the person is kicked out in hopes that he will repent - in hopes that he will turn from sin and be saved. 

At one church I served at there was a girl in the youth ministry who claimed to be a Christian yet was living in unrepentant sexual sin. She denied it but I knew otherwise and sadly, eventually, had to ask her to leave the student ministry at our church. Within a month it became known that she was pregnant out of wedlock. This girl probably hated me for a while (as did some in the church who didn’t have all the details and thought I was being too harsh, even though I was only doing exactly what the Bible said I should do). But long story short, things in the relationship with her and her boyfriend went south quick and this girl was devastated by the hurt and pain that sin always inevitably brings into our lives. She came to her senses, repented of her sin and wrote me an apology letter telling me she wished she had listened to me. At this point she was welcome back in our fellowship. That was some 7 or 8 years ago now, but last I heard, she was actively involved in ministry. In other words - it all worked out for good. Having missed the loving fellowship of other believers and having experienced first hand the destructive power of sin - she repented and came back to the Lord and to our church.

You see - when someone is kicked out of the church, they are removed from the love of the church and subjected to the destruction and death brought about by sin. This gives the person strong motivation to repent and turn back to God and to church fellowship. Any church discipline that isn't redemptive in nature isn't biblical church discipline. 

The Biblical Basis for Church Discipline

1 Corinthians 5:1-2, It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and of a kind that even pagans do not tolerate: A man is sleeping with his father’s wife. And you are proud! Shouldn’t you rather have gone into mourning and have put out of your fellowship the man who has been doing this? NIV

Imagine the adult film industry hearing about the sexual practices of those in our church and being disgusted by it. Imagine dipping below their standard of morality. That’s what was happening at the church in Corinth. And instead of being ashamed, they were proud. Paul will address the sin of sexual immorality more in chapter 6:9-20, but here he addresses the Corinthians attitude towards sin in the church. Paul is clear that they should kick the man out! Now this sounds harsh but in Matthew 18:15-17 we learn of a very grace filled approach we're to take before kicking anyone out of the church.

• Matthew 18:15 gives us step one, “If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.” That is, sit down with the person and lovingly tell them “What you are doing is wrong and I don’t think you’re going to like how things turn out if you don’t stop”. Your goal in meeting is to get the person to see the error of their way and repent. Hopefully they will listen and cut off the affair. 
• But if they don’t listen, step two is found in Matthew 18:16, “But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’” In step two you involve a couple other people who also try to get the person to repent. 
• But if that fails, step three is found in Matthew 18:17, “If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.” The only reason the whole church should ever find out what’s going on is if the person won’t listen during steps one and two. But if the person still won’t listen you tell the whole church so that everyone in the church can try to get the person to repent. 

The goal for all three steps is the same: That the person will repent! But if after steps 1-3 are followed, and someone that claims to be a Christian still won’t repent and stop whatever it is they are doing - Paul says to kick them out. 

• 1 Corinthians 5:2, “...you should remove this man from your fellowship.” 
• 1 Corinthians 5:5, “...you must throw this man out...” 
• 1 Corinthians 5:13, “...You must remove the evil person from among you.” 

Division: Evidence of Spiritual Immaturity

I Corinthians 1:11-12 where Paul writes, For some members of Chloe’s household have told me about your quarrels, my dear brothers and sisters. 12 Some of you are saying, “I am a follower of Paul.” Others are saying, “I follow Apollos,” or “I follow Peter,” or “I follow only Christ.” NLT 
It's human nature to divide up into little groups and war against other groups. In the world it's Republicans against Democrats, Red Sox fans against Yankee fan, Chevy Drivers against Ford drivers, Mac users against PC users. That's how the world operates. But this isn't how Christians are supposed to act. But this is exactly what was happening at the church in Corinth.

You see - the Christians at Corinth had divided up into little factions - into little dissenting groups within the same church.

• Paul’s ministry was geared towards the Gentiles (Acts 18:6), so no doubt the Gentiles (that is - the non-Jews) in the congregation were saying “I follow Paul”. 
• Peter’s ministry was geared towards the Jews, so no doubt the Jews were saying “I follow Peter”. 
• After Paul left Corinth to start another church in Ephesus, Apollos became their new pastor (Acts 18:27), and some liked Apollos better than Paul so they were saying “I follow Apollos”. 
• Now - while the first three groups were guilty of overemphasizing human leadership (and in so doing causing division), this last group was guilty of underemphasizing human leadership (and in so doing causing division). These were the rebels in the church who refused to follow the spiritual leadership God appointed in the church. In saying "I only follow Christ" they were really saying "I follow only me!" 

The people divided into camps and weren’t friendly towards others not in their camp. In the same way the people in the church were saying “Paul is best” while others were saying “No, Apollos is best” while others were saying “No, Peter is best”. And then the self-righteous people were saying “No, I’m the best.”

So in a pretty strong rebuke Paul has to tell the people in the church “Knock it off! Division in the church is evidence of spiritual immaturity and it needs to stop." 1 Corinthians 3:3-4, “...You are jealous of one another and quarrel with each other. Doesn’t that prove you are controlled by your sinful nature? Aren’t you living like people of the world? When one of you says, “I am a follower of Paul,” and another says, “I follow Apollos,” aren’t you acting just like people of the world? NLT

Pave the Way to Peace

1 Corinthians 1:10a, “I appeal to you, dear brothers and sisters, by the authority of our Lord Jesus Christ, to live in harmony with each other. Let there be no divisions in the church...” NLT 
God desires that his children live in harmony with one another. It breaks His heart when he sees relational division in the body of Christ.

Let’s pretend while taking a shower this morning (hopefully you did that) your right arm did a great job of washing your left arm, but then when it was your left arm’s turn to wash your right arm, your left arm did a subpar job - and consequently your right arm was offended and therefore refused to help your left arm put on your clothes for the day. Image how difficult it would be to put on your shirt with only one arm. Imagine the difficulty of putting on your pants and buckling your belt with only one arm.

In the same way that your physical body was designed to work together in harmony to be effective, so it is with the body of Christ. Paul says it this way in 1 Corinthians 12:12 “The human body has many parts, but the many parts make up one whole body. So it is with the body of Christ.” NLT Just as a human body is supposed to be a united whole, with all the parts working in harmony with one another, so should it be with the body of Christ (the church).

Division among the members of your physical body will render you ineffective at whatever it is you’re trying to do. And the same thing is true of the body of Christ. For those who don’t know - the church is on a mission to make disciples. And when we don't work in harmony with each other, we're rendered ineffective.

Therefore, we ought to do everything within our power to pave the way to peace with our other brothers and sisters in Christ. This is the clear teaching of the Bible both in the Old Testament and New.

• In the Old Testament Psalm 133:1 says, “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” NIV 
• In the New Testament Jesus prayed for his disciples in John 17:11, “...Holy Father, protect them by the power of your name, the name you gave me, so that they may be one as we are one.” NIV God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit live in harmony with one another. They work in unison with each other (i.e. God the Father sent God the Son into the world that the world might find salvation in him. And God the Holy Spirit convicts people of sin and helps them see their need for Jesus). They are one and here Jesus prays that we would be one, so that people far from God the Father, can be led by God the Holy Spirit to God the Son (who is Jesus). 
• The apostle Paul writes in Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” NIV To have no conflict is unrealistic. We live in a sin-filled world and have stubborn sinful natures. As a result some conflict goes unresolved. But as far as it depends on us, we’re to live at peace with our brothers and sisters in Christ - with the other members of the body of Christ. That means that we do all we can to create harmony and destroy any possible cause of division and conflict. 
• As Paul writes in Ephesians 4:3, “Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace.” NLT We won’t resolve every single conflict on this side of eternity unfortunately, but we’re to make every effort to, for this greatly pleases the Lord.