How to Resolve Conflict

I recently read in Tim & Joy Downs book Fighting Fair and in Gary Chapman's book Everybody Wins some of the best conflict resolution advice I've ever heard. It was given in regards to resolving marital conflict, but I think the principles apply to any kind of conflict. 

From reading the two books I've learned...

1. Listening leads to understanding. 

2. Understanding leads to resolution. 

3. Resolution leads to harmony and peace. 

As we practice James 1:19 (be quick to listen and slow to speak) we begin to understand. To understand each other is the objective in conflict (I Peter 3:7). Once both parties understand what the other is thinking and feeling, this creates an emotional atmosphere condusive to resolving conflict. Just as neglect of the relationship creates an atmosphere where storms brew and lighting strikes, so an atmosphere of understanding creates an environment where conflicts can be resolved. Once the conflict has been resolved, peace and harmony can be restored to the relationship, which pleases God (Romans 12:16, 18). 

Encouragement Part 2

The Bible says "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up" (Galatians 6:9). And I think one of the biggest causes of becoming weary in our labors for the Lord, is when we think we aren't really making a difference. That's why it's good to have a place to record the stories of life change. It could be an email folder in your inbox, a manilla folder in your filing cabinet, etc. Just make sure you're collecting the thank you notes and praise reports. And when things get tough and you feel worn out, you pull them out and read them. Here's some I'm filing in my email folder that I just received today. 

• Your prayer, along with the prayers of our growth group have re-shaped our son's life. he has lost his depression and given his life to Christ. 
• I praise God for this church which has kept me on fire for my savior while going through my freshman year of college. You will be in my prayers during the summer months. 
• There was a woman at my work who had been giving me a hard time for almost two years. In my heart, I prayed for her and forgave her for what she had been doing. I treated her kindly and fair. Just last week something changed in her heart and she has been very kind and respectful towards me. 

There is nothing quite like knowing that lives are changing around you and that you've played a part in it (even in a small way). Nothing will get you motivated and encourage you to keep working than knowing you are making a difference for eternity. 

Encouragement

It is wonderful to be on the receiving end of encouragement. Just this morning I got a text from someone in our church that read "You do such an awesome job bringing the best messages to us!!" I am literally having trouble describing the good it did me to hear those words of encouragement. The best I can do is say it brought me life! It inspired me to keep working hard, it boosted my self-esteem, it gave me energy, it made me happy, I felt appreciated. All that from twelve words of encouragement! Wow, the Bible is right when it says "The tongue has the power of life and death..." (Proverbs 18:21). I hope that each day I can say something to someone else that lifts them up the way I've been lifted up today. Here's a good principle to live by when it comes to encouragement: If you think it, say it. If you think someone looks nice, say so. If you think someone is doing a great job, tell them. As long as it's positive and will build someone up, if you think it, say it. 

Why Work?

Why work? This is a particularly important question to ask in America where the government will pay you for not working. I mean, if you can not work and still get paid, why make the effort to get out of bed and go to work? The Bibles gives us at least five reasons. The first reason is necessity, working to meet our needs. The Bible teaches that we go to work to provide for our needs and the needs of our family. If we are physically capable of working, we aren’t to depend on others to meet our needs, we are to provide for them ourselves. So the first reason to work is to put food on the table, clothes on our backs and a roof over our head. The second reason to work is prosperity, working to build wealth. To be wealthy and to be godly is not contradictory. Some of the most godly people in the Bible were some of the wealthiest people of their day (i.e. Job and Solomon). God is not opposed to us building wealth so long as we realize that to obtain wealth isn’t the highest motivation to go to work. God is concerned that will earn it honestly, give some back to Him regularly, save it steadily, spend it wisely and share it generously. The third reason to work is identity, working to express who God made you to be and what he made you good at. God has given each us special abilities to do certain things well, he’s given each of us different passions in life, different experiences and different personalities. All of these things are indicators of what work God has designed for us to do. And we are happiest when working with who God made us to be and what he made us good at. People who just chase a paycheck are rarely satisfied. You’d be better off doing something you love and something God has made you good at  (making a little less) than doing something you hate (making a ton of money). The fourth reason to work is for maturity, working to develop your character. Work is a great place to develop your character. At work you have the opportunity to practice patience, honesty, integrity, fairness, loyalty, as well as many other biblical virtues. Your family is the only other environment where your character will be developed to a greater degree than your work place. So next time you take a job, don’t just ask “How much will I make?” but “What will I become?” The fifth reason to work is for eternity, working to prepare for heaven. Our work in this life is preparation for our work in the life to come. We are saved by grace alone, but the Bible teaches that there’s a direct connection between how we work in this life and the roles and responsibilities and rewards God will give us in the next life. When you realize that your work has eternal ramifications, it’s a little easier to get out of bed in the morning. Work isn’t a curse, but a blessing! It provides our needs, helps us build wealth, gives us the opportunity to express who God made us to be and what he made us good at, it helps us develop our character as well as prepare for our roles and responsibilities in heaven. So when Monday roles around, think about all the good things work does, and be eager to hop out of bed!